Lum & Abner and Their Friends from Pine Ridge
Owein to so many folks writin artickles bout therseves and callin em auto biorgerffys, we have sorter deesided to give ourseves a write up long with some of the other promenence ressydints of Pine Ridge cammunity, which will foller long with pitchers of the same.
If we was havin our ruthers, we'd a heap ruther somebody else was writin our auto biorgerffys fer we've got to hold ourseves down to wher what we got to say wont half kiver what abody could say bout us if we wasn't so close kennected.
In the first place if hit wasn't us writin, we could go ahead and tell what a great Jestice of the Pease Lum has made fer the cammunity and how he has give the best years of his life a dealin out jestice cordin to the statutes and sarvin as presydint of the skoole board to say nuthin about the way he can git up in front of any sort of a gatherin and do out-loud talkin, but bein a feller thats allus been backards bout castin favors at hissef, hit would be onbecomin to make mention of sich matters.
Course we could go ahead and tell what a good pervider Abner has allus been fer his woman and Pearl and how he has putting deeteckitive methods in the constable's office since he has became elected, but chances air they'd be some that'd say Abner was speakin outa turn to name them things hissef.
Hits a downright shame they aint somebody else writin bout us so's they could pint out to you what a turible hand Lum is with the wimen folks and what a oncommon lot of gineril knollidge he's got on might nigh any subjeck that's brung up, special bout law matters and how the givernmint ort to be run. They could go on to tell you that Abner is one of the greatest invinters that ever invented, him bein the one that invinted how to make rubber outa stretch berrys and sweet gum but hit wouldn't sound right fer us to make mention of it so we'll jist have to go head and hide our lights under a bushel, as a feller says, and tell you bout some of the otherns.
-From "Lum and Abner and Their Friends from Pine Ridge, By Themselves"
