The Perils of Being Rich
From April 17, 1946. Listen to this episode here.
Abner: Just watch your step, Cedric. Keep away from money. You've did all right so far, but I don't know how much longer your luck can hold out.
Cedric: Uh oh!
Abner: Never can tell. A feller goes along in life for years, happy, not a care in the world. All of a sudden, without no warnin', it happens to him.
Cedric: What does?
Abner: He gets rich. It can happen to anybody.
Cedric: Doggone, I better be careful then.
Abner: You bet your life you better, Cedric.
Cedric: I don't want my mama to be disapp'inted in me. I'm gonna keep from bein' rich no matter how much money I make!
Abner: Yeah. Don't let that happen to ya, Cedric. Don't even get to be a hundred-aire, much less a millionaire. Look what happened to ol' Emmett Ross.
Cedric: Who?
Abner: Emmett Ross. You've heared about him, ain't ya, Cedric?
Cedric: Uh. No, I don't b'lieve I ever did. I knowed a Leonard Stickley.
Abner: Well, this is a different feller.
Cedric: I noticed the names was different.
Abner: Let me tell you, he was as nice a feller as ever drawed breath. Then it happened to him. He got rich.
Cedric: Oh, what a shame!
Abner: Ever'body in town knowed 'zactly what would be-come of him after that. And it did.
Cedric: Oh. Shame, shame, shame. Where's he at now?
Abner: In the cemetary!
Cedric: Oh. Dead?
Abner: Deader'n a doornail! That'll show you what money does to ya.
Cedric: Oh, my. I never knowed it was that dangerous.
Abner: Oh, what a terrible life that man lived. First thing he done was give up his job as ditch digger for the railroad. Cost him his job right there.
Cedric: They found out about it, huh?
Abner: Well, I don't know. I think he just quit 'cause it taken so much time tryin' to handle all that money he inherited. Why, he even might nigh wore his self out just goin back'ards and forwards to the bank. Takin' out money, puttin' money in, takin' it out... Final' got to the point where he just couldn't hardly face his ol' friends around here. Had to give up his nice little house here in Pine Ridge and moved clean out to Floridy. Lived in a castle, I think.
Cedric: Oh, that poor man.
Abner: Had a whole batch of servants livin' off of him. Couldn't even put on his pants without one of 'em helpin' him. Had to wear his Sunday clothes all the time. That rich food just ruined his stomach.
Cedric: How could he stand it?!
Abner: Well, he forced his self as long as he could, I reckon, Cedric. Then to get away from it he taken a boar trip to Europe. Might've even gone across the whole ocean, I don't know.
Cedric: Money done all that to him, huh?
Abner: That's just what it was. The poor man put up with it just as long as he could but it final' got him. He died.
Cedric: Oh, sakes, sakes, sakes!
Abner: Yeah, sure was a shame. You know, Cedric, he weren't but ninety-three when he passed on.
Cedric: Just ninety-three?
Abner: That's the honest truth.
Abner: Just watch your step, Cedric. Keep away from money. You've did all right so far, but I don't know how much longer your luck can hold out.
Cedric: Uh oh!
Abner: Never can tell. A feller goes along in life for years, happy, not a care in the world. All of a sudden, without no warnin', it happens to him.
Cedric: What does?
Abner: He gets rich. It can happen to anybody.
Cedric: Doggone, I better be careful then.
Abner: You bet your life you better, Cedric.
Cedric: I don't want my mama to be disapp'inted in me. I'm gonna keep from bein' rich no matter how much money I make!
Abner: Yeah. Don't let that happen to ya, Cedric. Don't even get to be a hundred-aire, much less a millionaire. Look what happened to ol' Emmett Ross.
Cedric: Who?
Abner: Emmett Ross. You've heared about him, ain't ya, Cedric?
Cedric: Uh. No, I don't b'lieve I ever did. I knowed a Leonard Stickley.
Abner: Well, this is a different feller.
Cedric: I noticed the names was different.
Abner: Let me tell you, he was as nice a feller as ever drawed breath. Then it happened to him. He got rich.
Cedric: Oh, what a shame!
Abner: Ever'body in town knowed 'zactly what would be-come of him after that. And it did.
Cedric: Oh. Shame, shame, shame. Where's he at now?
Abner: In the cemetary!
Cedric: Oh. Dead?
Abner: Deader'n a doornail! That'll show you what money does to ya.
Cedric: Oh, my. I never knowed it was that dangerous.
Abner: Oh, what a terrible life that man lived. First thing he done was give up his job as ditch digger for the railroad. Cost him his job right there.
Cedric: They found out about it, huh?
Abner: Well, I don't know. I think he just quit 'cause it taken so much time tryin' to handle all that money he inherited. Why, he even might nigh wore his self out just goin back'ards and forwards to the bank. Takin' out money, puttin' money in, takin' it out... Final' got to the point where he just couldn't hardly face his ol' friends around here. Had to give up his nice little house here in Pine Ridge and moved clean out to Floridy. Lived in a castle, I think.
Cedric: Oh, that poor man.
Abner: Had a whole batch of servants livin' off of him. Couldn't even put on his pants without one of 'em helpin' him. Had to wear his Sunday clothes all the time. That rich food just ruined his stomach.
Cedric: How could he stand it?!
Abner: Well, he forced his self as long as he could, I reckon, Cedric. Then to get away from it he taken a boar trip to Europe. Might've even gone across the whole ocean, I don't know.
Cedric: Money done all that to him, huh?
Abner: That's just what it was. The poor man put up with it just as long as he could but it final' got him. He died.
Cedric: Oh, sakes, sakes, sakes!
Abner: Yeah, sure was a shame. You know, Cedric, he weren't but ninety-three when he passed on.
Cedric: Just ninety-three?
Abner: That's the honest truth.