Whilst Squire aint lived in our cammunity long, he's made some of the old timers take back-water when hit comes to swoppin whoppers. Hit dont peer to make no difference to him what subjeck is brung up, he'll tell a yarn about it and not only that but one that'll out-cap anything thats ben told. If he aint had a happenin to hissef that'll fit in, he'll tell one that he's heerd and hang it on hissef like it was an experence of hissen. If the Squire had of did all the things he claims he has, he'd be runnin on closet to two hunderd year old. Cordin to his tell of it, he's fit in might nigh ever war they've ever heldt and some that aint even in the katylog. He comes here from Missoury and the way he hands it out, thers a settlemint that aint got nuthin reglar. He says the land up ther is so rich they ship it all over the United States to use fer fertylizer and when they start gatherin crops, they raise so much truck they have to borrey ground from the nabors to stack it on. The corn grows so tall ther they have to cut the stalks down with a choppin axe so's they can gather the ears and then they've to dinnymite the roots out fore ever they can plant a nother crop. Bout the only thing they caint raise to do no good is watermellons and thats on acct. of the vines growin so fast hit wears the watermellons out draggin em around over the field. He says if they's a hen on the place up ther that ain't layin more'n a dozen eggs a day, they start gittin their mouth set for chicken and dumplins fer when they git down that low they figger they aint tryin. All sich outlandish stories as that he'll tell by the hour and iffen abody aint got no more gumption than to bleave what he says, he'll have you so addled you wont know your right name hardly. Course the Squire dont mean no harm by what he tells but abody has jist got to learn when and when not to bleave him. One thing bout the Squire, he don't beat the devil round the stump. He dont mind standin right flat-footed and tellin a man strait from the shoulder what his polyticks is. Abody can allus put his finger on Squire Skimp.

-From "Lum and Abner and Their Friends from Pine Ridge, By Themselves"